I say reviewish because this won’t be a correctly formatted review, per se. I mean, my reviews rarely are anyway, but humor me by taking my little disclaimer and pretending like they normally are.

I’ll say it up front: I loved this movie. It’s entertainment at its best.

What I loved: Great for an action movie. Out of this world awesome for a comic book movie. The writing, acting, directing…it was all good.

What I didn’t love: A bit too long. Some unbelievable elements. But hey, this is Batman.

Oh, and for the record, I was a cynic. I thought the Oscar buzz about Heath Ledger was just a publicity stunt or a posthumous nod to someone who was becoming one of the great actors of our time. But right now, I want to go down as saying that if Heath isn’t nominated at the very least, it will be a crime. And if he wins, it won’t be a handout. He earned every freaking vote from the Academy.

Dan’s Rating System: Dollar Movie (because you can probably wait)

Dan’s Recommendation: If you’re a Will Smith fan, take the kids to see this bad boy.

I gave it a dollar movie, but I totally don’t regret paying full price
for this flick. The question burning in my brain is this: for the love
of God what was so bad about Hancock?

I’ve yet to read any compelling reason why this movie sucked. I’ve seen
it, and I was entertained. I laughed. I thought the effects were neato.
I thought the actors did a good job. The writing was…okay. The
directing was typical Peter Berg. Overall, it was a decent movie.

Like Waterworld before it, I still don’t get why everyone was standing
in line to throw rotten tomatoes at this one. Sure it wasn’t the best
movie I’ve ever seen, but people it is definitely not terrible.

Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

dan rating system: Full Price
recommendation: No Chillins under 14

Ahh…my first review written on Rotten Tomatoes. That’s kinda fresh, right?

(note: I’m also posting this on my blogs…so don’t be confused my friends)

Listen, this movie has gotten a piss poor rap, and I can’t help but be reminded of Lady In The Water. I’m not an M. Night fanboy, but I do enjoy his work, so take what I say here with a grain of salt. That being said: this movie does not suck.

I still kind of agree with the consensus that it starts with promise and then degrades a little. Mr. Shyamalan would have done well to get an appointment with a script doctor on this deal. The story might have been better served being more about the love story between Elliot and Alma and less about, well, the happening. He very successfully did this in The Village, so I know he’s got it in him!

Spoilers Follow! Beware! BEWARE!!!

First, I’ll address the end. Had the love story been developed more, I would have felt more moved when they decide to be together despite threat of death. But even that scene itself felt pretty rushed and contrived. Both Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel are great actors, so I’m left to blame the writing, directing, and editing that made that scene so bad. Sorry Night. You’re cool and all, but it just didn’t quite get there.

The good? Well, there is certainly a Hitchcockian, looming, unseen terror throughout the film. And despite what others have said, I think that throwing the gore factor into this one was a good decision. It fit. There was some pretty traumatic imagery that the movie would have felt incomplete had it not been there. There was a little bit o’ comic relief that worked as well, so I literally laughed between moments of fear.

Also, I do appreciate his treatment of his characters. M. Night always seems to put a lot of care in birthing them; as though they are his very children. I like that in a writer. Maybe the character development was a bit off in this one, but it doesn’t mean that he didn’t care. Maybe he just forgot.

Unfortunately, the bad is glaringly bad. I’ve already mentioned the lack of a central plot device (or did I? well, there is a lack of a central plot). But there were also some dangling participles that I thought were completely unnecessary and made this feel more like a sophomoric effort than someone’s 9th film. LIke the little boys getting capped on the crazy old man’s porch. I mean, I get shock value, but all I ended up thinking is WTF???

And dude…is it just me, or is this picture incredibly preachy? M. Night attacks environmental apathy, emotional apathy, detachment, anger, and the list goes on and on. By the end, I didn’t know if I was supposed to love my neighbor, invest in solar energy, or cut down my tree swing. There really shouldn’t have been an underlying moral to this story; I don’t think Al would have approved.

Not that Al. He probably would have approved.

Again, overall, I still think this was a fun movie. It scared me and that’s what I wanted. I said this about the rest of his followups to The Sixth Sense, and I’ll say it again: if you expect this to be that, then you’re going to be incredibly disappointed. MNS has a style. He takes other genres and pulls them into the thriller genre and it works (think about it. he’s done a ghost story, a superhero movie, an alien movie, and now a horror film. He adapts them to his flavor, and it works. I just wish he’d get some help on his scripts.

Oh yeah, the Dan rating system and recommendations. I give it a Full Price rating if you’re not going to poo poo on the fact that this isn’t his best work. And I wouldn’t take your nino’s to see it unless they’re over 14. There’s some pretty scary imagery that could cause some serious nightmareage. Get it? NIGHTmareage?

Tags: M.Night Shyamalan, The Happening, movie review

So I think I like doing things this way for now. Basically another “random thoughts during the movie” post, typed on my phone. It’s a little stream of consciousness, or something like that:

Ed Norton makes any movie awesome.

Only in Brazil do female factory workers look like super models.

I need a new hat.

A little silly nothing…I think if I were sprinting through the streets, my heart rate would be through the roof.

Okay, definitely badder ass.

Lou Ferrigno’s cameo is way better in this one too.

So much truer to the television series than the last.

Liv Tyler is like Jennifer Connely and Jennifer Garner rolled into one.

General Ross bad.

Say what you want about comic books, but Stan Lee has created some of the most complex, deep, and authentic characters in all of literature.

Lots of references to the Marvel while still keeping the story believable.

Best place in the world to get lost: NYC

This movie’s stacked with talent.

And suddenly I’m reminded of Rampage.

Alright, alright. Good reference to the comics with the “Mega Clap”, but c’mon.

Hulk smash!!!

If I don’t see Tony Stark soon…

Hello Justice League movie.

Tags: ednorton, hulk, the incredible hulk, liv tyler, jennifer connely, jennifer garner

I was planning on typing a full review, but my lack of desire to do so has gotten the best of me. What follows are the raw thoughts I had while actually in the movie last weekend, uncut, typed on my phone:

For any normal woman, being left on the day of her wedding would be devastating. For Carrie Bradshaw, it’s the end of a universe that revolves around her.

In the theater, when I hear laughter, it’s all female voices. At the oh so high-larious moment Charlotte poo’d her largeish pants, the chatter of woman giggle is all I can hear. It’s rather fun.

To watch this film is an exercise in observing the differences in the way women and men think. And feel. And act. And love. In terms of the human condition, we are all the same. In terms of living out that condition, we couldn’t possibly be more different.

I’m certain that I view this much differently than the 300 women watching it with me. And I think that’s wonderful.

Tags: Sexand the City, Carrie Bradshaw, men and women, women

I often forget to add Tombstone to my various lists of favorite films. Sure it was a big budget, big Hollywood movie with an ensemble of A-list actors attached to it, and you know how I love art house indie flicks. But I got a soft spot for emotionally charged idealistic money makers. They’re entertaining and Tombstone does not disappoint in this department.

Specifically, think about the scene where Wyatt Earp slaps the dude silly for hitting is freaking horse. Or when he basically makes Billy Bob Thornton wet himself in the saloon. Damn, I think I might have tinkled a little bit just watching. He’s scary.

And how exactly does Val pull off vacillating and invincible at the same time? Friggin brilliant.

There’s some dispute amongst historians regarding the status of Wyatt Earp as a hero or a crook. Tombstone definitely presents him as the iconic old west morality lesson with a Colt 45. Frankly I don’t care which is true…Earp’s been dead and gone for a long time, and the film that bore his moniker (and may have been truer to history) wasn’t half as interesting as Tombstone. I mean, Locke’s in the movie. Freaking Charlton Heston’s in the movie. John Conner’s dad…in the movie. It very well might be the bad assiest movie of all time.

Here’s a couple of interesting tidbits about Wyatt Earp:

• Never shot. Not once.
• The big bad gunfight at the O.K. Corral, probably one of the most famous gunfights in history, lasted 30 seconds and only three men were killed.
• Wyatt spent large portions of his life on both sides of the law.

One of my favorite themes of the movie is the way Doc Holiday and Wyatt Earp are better men when they are together; best friends without being totally gay. You don’t see that very often in movies.

So check this picture show out. You won’t regret it. Though this post isn’t really a review per se, I’ll still give it my Full Price rating and recommend that you not let your children under 16 or so watch it because there’s lots o’ blood, some drug themes, some profanity; even a scene with a sexy vixen pawing at Doc Holiday that could probably be construed as sexual.

At that note, I’m signing off of this review that’s not really a review. Tombstone’s over and I’m going to try and sleep.

Tags: tombstone, wyatt earp, ike clanton, val kilmer, kurt russel, billy bob thornton, inventing wyatt earp, western

The new. The improved. The web home of Red House. We want a new domain; have any ideas? 

So this deal is being constructed as you read this very post. Keep checking back…and be patient.

notbadbutgood rating system: full price

should the kiddies watch it: Umm…sure?

NERDY PRODUCTION STUFF

So, I feel I need to be honest with you: this movie is not for everyone. I’m not going to begin to try and define exactly what kind of person this movie is for, as I think it will be appreciated by all kinds of people and all kinds of movie fans.

You might not be one of those movie fans.

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notbadbutgood rating system: full price

should the kiddies watch it: noooooooo

NERDY PRODUCTION STUFF

Tim Burton is quickly rising to the very top of of my list of favorite filmmakers. Oh so quickly…

But I won’t spend a minute typing about any of his other genius films. But maybe anthing I say here will apply to his other works as well.

The story of Sweeney Todd is one of revenge gone mad (like how I use British phrases when reviewing a British story? It’s how I roll….). Like most antiheros, you find yourself sympathising with him at first, only to find later that brutality is brutality, even when used to punish the wicked.

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notbadbutgood rating system: dollar movie

should the kiddies watch it: sure…but it’s a little scary

NERDY PRODUCTION STUFF

Hmm…not bad…but not great either. I was pretty disappointed with this adaption of Richard Matheson’s 1954 post-apocalyptic novel. I wasn’t necessarily disappointed because I felt the movie was terrible. Rather, I was disappointed because I expected it to be so stinking good. In the end, I felt that it was a prime example of studio money ruining what could have been a great story.

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